Foot loose and fancy free

Oh Lordy, to try on the beautiful red leather boots with the jaunty bow, I have to remove my old Mock-Ugg boots.

You'd think the fact that I've had my Turd-Detector (that's eyes to you) on Red Alert all the way to the shoe-shop, and that any dog electing to squat amongst the densely-marching ranks of Victoria commuters would have to be built like a Sumo wrestler, would ensure that my boots are immaculately clean. Having OCD though, I'm personally convinced that at some point my concentration has waned on my journey and I've trodden in a Something.

So what? you ask reasonably - not the end of the world. Oh yes it is. The excrement of Dog has taken on mythic proportions in my mind and now has the stature of a nuclear holocaust combined with total social exclusion. Not that there'd be much society left if …

Anyway. Having inspected each foot in a position which would impress Yoga-goers, with pedestrians veering round me on the pavement, I'm still not convinced the soles are completely clean. But, jostled crossly by a unnecessarily abrupt man who also wants to buy shoes in his lunch-hour, I find myself cannoning across the busy shop floor on tiptoe, like a hippo from Fantasia. After bouncing off an assistant, I sit gingerly on to a padded stool – briefly inspecting it for dirt - then discreetly shove my head between my knees to look at my boots again.

Seeing another pair of shoes out of the corner of my eye, I become aware that a dead ringer for George Clooney is standing patiently in front of me, holding out a red shoe.
'Oh, thank you, thanks, I felt faint,' I gabble, hurriedly returning to the vertical and purple from sniffing surreptitiously down at ankle level. Dead Ringer looks handsomely apprehensive and holds the shoe box out towards me, as you might when feeding a Hyena.

'I'm fine now,' I say, convinced everyone in the busy shop is staring at me. Keeping my hands well clear, I yank away at my boots with my toes. Thank heaven they don't have zips: if I had to actually touch the damned things, I'd really faint. Either that or I'd have to find a way of discreetly sniffing my fingers ...

'Shit!' A searing pain tears at my calf and sweat jumps out on my face.
'Are you sure you're OK?'
'Yessss. Fine. Sorry, think I've pulled a calf muscle.'
To his puzzlement, I buy the boots without trying them on, trying to remember not to sniff at my long hair, which I'm sure swung forward and touched my Ugh-Ugg when I was bending down ...
I limp out of the shop and back to work.

Diana at the office says enviously: 'Ooh, let's have a look ... Wow! Someone's been having a self-indulgent lunch-hour - nothing like a spot of retail therapy for making you feel better, is there though? … I didn't realise you had such small feet – did you try them on?'

- Helen Poskitt -

New Blogger

We would like to introduce our next guest blogger, Helen Poskitt. Helen's new book "Rising to the Surface" is available via Amazon and Waterstones and she is currently working on her stage play "Check!" losely based on the book.

- The OCD Action team -

Comming Soon

Thank you to our second blogger - I hope that you have all enjoyed reading their posts.
We have a new blogger lined up and they will be posting from the end of April.

- The OCD Action team -

No cure but not concerned

So this is my final blog and I thought it might be helpful to reflect and what I wanted to achieve by doing them.

I guess the thing that I was concerned about is being negative. I often think that when you read the case studies in books on OCD (as excellent as some of these books are) they can be frightening because some people seem to be so consumed by their OCD. However, that too was me, when I was at my worst. I think the thing I feel they miss, and I wanted to add, is that you can recover from OCD to the point that you don’t even notice you have it! This is where I am now. Sure I still get intrusive thoughts, but so does everyone!!! I react to them differently now.

And if you are doubting how bad my OCD has been, I’ve made two suicide attempts and been in hospital for three months when I was at my worst. If you too find yourself in the depths of despair please just know that each day brings new hope and with the right treatment, you can get better.

In addition, I wanted to encourage those of you whose lives have been affected by OCD and related disorders (and hopefully also those of you who haven’t been) to get involved in making things better in future for all people suffering from mental health conditions. I know we all tut when our colleagues come around with sponsor forms for runs etc. but this is the only way that charities can work to make change. And you don’t even have to give money if you can’t afford to – do a sponsored event yourself, write to your MP, volunteer or donate your unwanted goods to the local mental health charity shop.

As a final note, I know some of you find it disconcerting that there’s no cure for OCD but you don’t need one – we’re meant to have frightening thoughts as part of an evolutionary warning system and with the help of medication or CBT you can see that they are only thoughts!

- OCD Guest Blogger 2 -

Now I Understand

Since writing the first entry to my blog, I have been thinking about the finishing statement of it. This is mainly because several sad things have happened and I also felt some people may feel it over-optimistic or a little insensitive.

The finishing statement was the adage that ‘it’s not the circumstances that determine the quality of your life, but how you deal with them.’ I realise that this seems a little silly as try telling this to people dealing with terminal illness, have lost someone they love or don’t have enough food. A personal example is a friend who died of cancer last month after having suffered from depression all her life. And what about the people who lost loved ones in the earthquake in Italy last week?

However, I guess it comes down to a choice we have to make. Like my mum was told in her positive thinking class, there’s no point in ruminating about the past – take action in the present moment to move towards where you want to be. I have spent a lot of time thinking about why me, why OCD, why did I get it (genes, childhood experiences, etc.)? But, to use another adage, ‘finding out how you fell into a hole isn’t going to get you out of it!’ It may not seem fair or reasonable that you have OCD or are suffering so, but you have to make a choice to deal with it and not look at the past.

I also wanted to add (and you’re going to hate me for this!), ‘every cloud has a silver lining.’ Well, at least I believe the OCD one does. Before OCD, I had little sympathy for people’s frailties. I had no experience of disability and wasn’t that interested in helping any but the most extreme cases of suffering. But now, I understand more about what it is like to have a disability. I feel I can relate to most people more as you realise we’re all a bit mad and most of us need help at some point in life for something. Most importantly, I’m engaged in society and try to do my bit to make things better – I write to my MP about mental health provision, volunteer and donate what I can to charity campaigns. I feel so alive. Life just seems great now because I know what it’s like to have been at the bottom of the valley and – so OCD has given me something positive too!

- OCD Guest Blogger 2 -