Back to Work

This is my second post and I still have OCD, but I shall not let it affect my preparations for my new job. I have been unemployed since July and, like Barack Obama, I cannot wait to get started in my new role. It has been a stressful time with having to apply for hundreds of jobs, unsuccessful interviews and the tedium of having to register with recruitment agencies. However, this stress still comes second to the anxiety that OCD has caused me since 2004.

I remember having to go to rubbish fill-in jobs while I desperately tried to figure out why I couldn’t shake these tormenting thoughts. Every day was sheer torture; my obsessive thoughts dominated my mind and made it impossible to listen to my colleagues and follow instructions. This meant I made mistakes, and I hate making mistakes. My first permanent job as a researcher was also a disaster, as I wasn’t equipped for the role and had to keep darting out to phone OCD helplines.

A BBC Breakfast package on ‘returning to work’ cheered me up this morning, as a magazine editor spoke about being “the worst civil servant ever” until he discovered he wanted to be a journalist. It showed me that a lot of decent, intelligent people have failed in the workplace but still achieved career success once they found a suitable profession.

I think what makes me susceptible to OCD is my tendency to dwell and analyse the past, which when seen through OCD eyes can distort the truth and leave me scared of facing the challenges that lie ahead. I have to put my past failures behind me and go into my new job eager to learn and ready to impress.

I haven’t told my employers I have OCD, but did have a slight panic they would dig up my medical files and learn all about me. By listening to these ‘what if?’ fears I often create my own sense of doom which only adds to my stress levels. That’s the worst thing about OCD – it makes you think the unthinkable and only escalates until you wake up during the night in sweat-drenched sheets.

For all the OCD sufferers out there who have lost their jobs and struggling to find employment, please relax and make sure you are happy in yourself before you start looking for work. After I lost my job last summer, I sent out loads of applications but quite often found mistakes in them so I had to resend them with the lie that “my e-mail server is down, so I’m resending you my application”. I was not surprised when none of these applications led to an interview.

So my New Year’s resolution is to make sure I am ecstatically happy with my work before I hit SEND, so I can avoid the anxiety that has hung over my head for most of my life.

- OCD Guest Blogger 1 -