Wow, this is my third blog and talking really does help. I hope that sharing my anxiety and experiences helps portray the life of an OCD sufferer, and gives those who are afflicted by this dreadful disorder hope for the future.
I was listening to the commentary of an episode of The Sopranos called ‘Remember When’ and some of what the respective actor said about the subtext and theme of the gangster drama really struck me.
“You have to love yourself first before you are able to love others.”
“Life is all about discovering who you are and trying to be a more loveable person.”
I am still nervous about returning to work, especially as I do not have a start date yet. And I’m always at my most anxious when I am in limbo and unable to do anything to influence my future. I hope it’s going to be okay, as I cannot wait to get back to the office and have more of a purpose to my life.
I remember when I told two former colleagues that I had OCD. It was an anti-climax to say the least; their eyes just glossed over and after a couple of “oh, rights”, the conversation resumed as if I hadn’t even mentioned my secret disorder. For them the night continued but for me, it was another night of tormenting thoughts and self-reassurance. I never told anybody at work again.
I am looking forward to doing a first aid course this week, which should allow me to learn some essential medical skills and get me used to waking up each morning to go somewhere I have to be. And you never know when you’ll have to save someone’s life.
I love exercise, especially running and swimming. When I run through the park and along the river, I am able to deal with my thoughts and troubles while enjoying life and keeping healthy. I shall never let myself be paralysed by OCD again. And what I like about these two activities is that there is no pressure on me to perform in a team. It’s just me and I’m the only person I have to answer to for my performance.
-OCD Guest Blogger 1 -
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